One Lost, One Gained
by byakuya.sama.lover
Summary: He told me he was getting married. I drowned myself in sake. Then, I bumped into him.
1. Chapter 1

The shortest chapter I've ever written

Disclaimer: Bleach is still not mine

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**One Lost, One Gained**

"I'm getting married!!!" he said.

There was so much happiness in his voice as he said it. How could I destroy this moment for him? I should just act like the best friend he thought I was.

"That's great Shuuhei. You guys finally decided to tie the knot eh?" I said with the happiest smile I could muster, as I tried to hide the sadness in my voice and the tears that were threatening to fall.

_I can never have him._

…………_.._

…………………………………

I decided to drown myself in sake. I didn't care how bad I would feel in the morning. I just needed to forget everything that happened today. Everything _he_ told me.

I regret staying as his best friend and never saying that I loved him.

I would drink myself to death if I could, but, he asked me to be his best man.

He was killing me, but he had no idea what he was doing to me.

I left the bar, deciding to head for home. I walked with my head down, just staring at the road. I just wanted to disappear or die. Death would be a better option though.

As I walked, I heard people call my name and ask me if I was ok. I ignored them. Nothing, no one can do anything about my condition even if they knew the problem. So there's no point in telling them.

As I walked further, I noticed that no one was around. Finally, I'm alone. Finally, I could let go of the tears pent up inside.

I let my tears fall. Silent sobs escaped my lips. I decided that after tonight, I will never cry for him again. 'Cause this was so unlike me. I would never show anyone how miserable I am right now. That's what I thought, till I bumped into him…

"Abarai? What are you doing here?" he asked in that smooth voice of his.

No. It couldn't be. The last person I would want to see me like this.

I looked up. And there he was.

As he saw my crying face, his expression changed from the normally stoic one to the closest thing to a concerned look I ever saw in him.

"Abarai, what's the problem?" he asked, as he took my shoulders and raised my face to look at his.

I looked at his eyes, the warmest I've ever seen him show. I guess it's alright to tell someone. Even if that someone is my captain.

...

"He's gone." I said softly then melted into him arms.

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Hope you liked this short chapter

Please Review...


	2. If

ok here's chapter 2... i think im gonna end with this one..

i hope you like it

Please review if you liked it

Enjoy....

* * *

**One Lost, One Gained**

I saw his crying face. I couldn't help but ask what's wrong.

"He's gone" he said. Immediately after that, he allowed himself to be cradled in my arms.

I couldn't resist the feeling to take him away and I did. I flash-stepped to my mansion and entered from my private gate. I couldn't let anyone see my vice-captain like this. He looked so fragile in this state. Who could have left him like this?

He continued crying as let him sit on my bed.

"Renji who's gone?" I asked softly, "Who left you?"

He didn't answer. I think he was too drunk and too tired from crying so much. He kept his head down and I leaned in to check if he was still awake.

All of a sudden, he looked up and wrapped his arms around my neck. I was shocked and I tried to talk to him till a pair of soft, warm lips came over mine.

He was kissing me so passionately, so hungrily. He kisses as roughly as he fights. I felt his hot tongue enter my mouth, almost scorching mine. I could taste sake and blood.

He caressed my back with so much want, with so much need. Every touch and kiss made me hungry for more. I was at the point of no return. I could already feel my growing problem ache with need. But I knew this was wrong. I tried to pull back but he wouldn't let go. Only now does he show his true strength.

If we were to stop then, I could still have held back, but no. He pulled me nearer to his body. And when he did decide that the kissing was enough, he pulled my ear and put it against his delicious mouth and said, "I want you…. Give me more."

With those words, I knew I couldn't hold back anymore. I pushed him down the bed and slowly stripped him of his clothing, planting feathery kisses and nipping on tan skin on the way. He looked so exotic with all his tattoos under the dim light.

No gentleman refuses what is served to them, and this was a feast that I couldn't resist.

Once I have stripped him, I took the lube in my drawer and decided to prepare him. But he had another plan.

He seemed to have the strength enough to take my fingers and take it in his mouth, coating them generously with his saliva. I just felt my groin twitch in anticipation.

Then he took my fingers and guided them down to his backside. He pushed my finger inside, moaning. I took the liberty of adding 2 more fingers in and search for his spot. The spot I knew would send him squirming and moaning.

I finally found it and massaged it a few times, till I heard him say "Enough… I want you inside… now"

I would have to teach this man how to talk properly to his captain but that wouldn't be tonight. Tonight I will permit him to be loved by me.

I aligned my length with his puckered hole, which was twitching without control. I can't hold back, not with him like this.

I pushed all the way inside in one powerful thrust. He was gasping for air and tears were forming in his eyes.

I pulled all the way out then pushed all the way in. I set a fast and steady pace.

He was moaning so loud, that I was afraid he would wake everybody in the Seireitei. I couldn't blame him, this was just a damn good fuck.

"I'm so near…" I heard him cry out.

"Faster…."

"…Harder…"

"ngghh…Deeper…"

I quickened the pace, more than it was before. I took his neglected cock in my hand and started to pump. It seemed that he couldn't take it much longer.

"I'm…. cu…cumming.. nggghh…" he said and he came on our stomach.

He hole was clamping down on me, hard. After a few more thrusts, I came inside him, filling him with my essence.

"ngghh..fuck" I said, I couldn't control my language anymore at feeling how incredible my vice captain was.

I pulled out of him, lay down on the other side of the bed and pulled him into my arms.

"Mmm…" he said as he released a contented sigh, his eyes still closed.

"I love you…" he said to me in voice so sweet and gentle. I couldn't believe what I was hearing but wanted to respond back to him.

"I lo—" I started but I was interrupted by his small voice.

"… Shuuhei…" and he fell fast asleep.

…….

_So that wasn't for me. _

_So he's the one who left you._

_If you loved me, I wouldn't hurt you like that…_

_If…_

_

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_

_And... Cut..._

_Please review_


	3. For the Pain

Here i decided to do a chapter 3 since i had other plans and time....

I might turn this into an m-preg but it would be in a sequel so for people who don't enjoy m-pregs can just read this one...

Please Review.

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One Lost One Gained

_It feels warm, he thought._

Renji woke the next morning in the arms of his captain, naked but warm.

As he began to stir, he felt the tightness of the embrace he found himself in. The sunlight stung his eyes as he opened them, but he couldn't miss the beautiful display in front of him. There he found strong lean muscles beneath pale, smooth skin. He felt Byakuya's head resting on his head and his own arms were wrapped around the man, his hand resting on the man's chest. He couldn't miss the light scent of cherry blossoms that the noble always carried.

Renji was surprised to see Byakuya next to him. He couldn't remember anything from last night. The only thing he did remember was drinking himself to death.

In his surprise, he couldn't resist the urge to flinch and sit up straight.

"Ugghhh…" Renji cried as he tore himself away from his captain's tight embrace.

_Oh did I wake him up?_

Byakuya started to wake up at feeling Renji's sudden movement.

"Renji?" Byakuya said softly as his eyes met with Renji's.

"Ouch!" Renji cried as he started to feel his hangover and he also started to feel a dull pain in his lower regions._ Oh my god, what the hell did we do last night. _

"Abarai, are you alright?" Byakuya asked as he sat up.

"Umm… I guess I'm fine but my head's killing me."

"Ohh… That's because you drank too much last night. What were you thinking?"

"I don't know myself…." Renji said quietly. Whatever he wanted to forget, was forgotten; along with memories of last night, at least for now. "Bya.. Taichou, what am I doing here?" he said, quite bluntly.

"I brought you to my manor because you were too drunk to go home. What would people think if they saw you like that?" Byakuya said calmly.

"Ohh… thanks then. But, why do I have to be naked… with you… in the same bed…" Renji said softly with slight pauses in between. Suddenly, he saw flashbacks from last night and he blushed with realization. "Ummm… You don't have to answer that."

Byakuya chuckled lightly, as he also realized what happened. He returned to his normal self shortly after.

"Renji, I think that it would be better if we leave questions for later," Byakuya suggested. "Right now, I think I would need a bath. You're welcome to come along if you'd like." Then he stood up and went straight to master's bathroom without any covering, exposing his naked body in full glory.

_Damn. God, if I did something stupid last night, I hope it was pounding in that tight ass. _

Renji followed Byakuya into the bathroom.

The bathroom was beautiful, simple, yet elegant. It was obvious that Byakuya's family wasn't a nouveau rich. It took years to develop this kind of class. Yet again, Abarai Renji was reminded of how unreachable his captain truly was.

Byakuya gestured for Renji to enter the tub filled with warm water. As Renji entered the bath, he felt how soothing it was to the body and to the mind.

"Let me wash your hair for you," Byakuya offered as he put his feet under the water and sat on the tub just a few inches behind Renji.

Renji was surprised with Byakuya's words and actions but nonetheless complied with his captain's simple request.

Renji submerged his whole body underwater to wet his hair. Byakuya took a small bottle near the tub and put some of the shampoo on his hand. He then began to massage Renji's head.

Byakuya wasn't surprised at how Renji's hair felt. He already had an idea on how soft and silky it would feel. Beautiful crimson locks running through his hands, and now they smelled like cherry blossoms, just like him.

Renji began to relax under Byakuya's touches. He leaned on Byakuya and began to drift into sleep till…

"_Ahhh…"_

"_Renji…I'm cum…ming…"_

"_Nnngghhh…"_

"_I love you…Shuuhei…"_

Renji was surprised at the image his mind had showed him. He tore himself away from Byakuya's hands and locked eyes with him. He couldn't believe what he did last night.

Now he remembered why he drank too much. It was because of Shuuhei.

_I slept with Byakuya, while thinking of him._

"Renji, what's wrong?" Byakuya asked, concernedly.

"Byakuya… I did something stupid last night didn't I?" He said.

Byakuya's eyes turned dark with realization at what Renji pointed out. _Ah, so he remembers._

Byakuya nodded lightly.

"Why did you comfort me like that last night?" Renji was on the verge of tears. "We had no connection whatsoever. We never cared about each other. How could you make love to someone like me?"

Byakuya went closer to Renji and gave him a slight kiss on the lips.

"Renji, it's because you looked like you needed comfort."

"Would you do this to others who needed comfort too?" Renji asked, his voice had a hint of anger. _Is this really Byakuya? _

"No."

"Then why Byakuya?"

"You seemed so lonely. No one deserves to be that lonely and helpless."

"You though I was helpless? Did you think I was so helpless that I would need your comfort?"

"No,"

"Or were you curious to how it would feel to fuck a man? Did you think it was funny? Did you have your fun fucking me?" Renji was already crying.

"No."

"Then why Byakuya? Why did you do it?" Renji couldn't help the tears that were falling from his eyes. He hung his head low, his hair covering his face.

Byakuya was silent for a while. _This is for the pain you gave me._

Byakuya took Renji's face and held it with both hands. He held Renji's eyes and looked at him with no emotions.

"Because you begged me."

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I hoped you guys liked it... even though it's quite short...


	4. Tomorrow

Sorry for the short chapter and for the late update. I didn't think that I would have a lot of school work the last couple of weeks.

This chapter's kinda vague. I had a writer's block or something…

Anyways… Please enjoy. I'm gonna update much sooner since its March break.

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One Lost One Gained

"Because you begged me."

…….

……………………

They both decided to forget that one night, that one moment of weakness. Forget the moment that they both surrendered to their lust and passion. Days passed, weeks flew by, and everything seemed to be back to normal. Byakuya was back to his cold demeanor, and Renji… was back to being Renji.

Renji seemed perfectly fine, though he was being torn apart inside. He still smiled. He still laughed. He still went out on Friday nights. His heart was still broken.

His actions and expressions did nothing to betray his feelings. No one would've thought that he was dying inside, only Byakuya knew.

……….

………………….

_It's Thursday again, _Renji thought_._

He entered the Sixth Division office right on time. Of course Byakuya was already there. He closed the door silently as he could manage and walked to his desk. He stared at the huge pile of paper work and sighed deeply before taking a seat and went to work, hoping that it would take his mind off the things that are bothering him. Though, after about half an hour he was feeling a bit dizzy.

_Damn it. I really need more sleep; _he said to himself and continued to work. He was already feeling bad the whole week but he thought it was just a quick fever and just ignored it.

_He looks pale, _Byakuya thought. Suddenly Renji ran across the room and into the washroom. Byakuya could hear gagging and throwing up. He fought the urge to run inside the washroom to see what happened. Seeing Renji so broken and vulnerable made him want to embrace his vice-captain despite himself, but he knew Renji wouldn't want that. He was still a man after all.

"Taichou…." said a voice coming from the direction of the washroom. "I don't feel…. So goo…"

Renji couldn't finish his sentence but Byakuya already knew what he needed to say. He was falling, face down and if Byakuya wasn't fast enough to react, Renji would wake up with a broken nose.

"Renji!" he said but no response came.

_He's sick but it doesn't look serious. I think he just needs some rest. _

So Byakuya decided not to bring Renji to the Fourth Division barracks, instead he helped his vice-captain back to his apartment. He flash stepped to the man's apartment and opened the door.

Byakuya was careful not to let Renji fall since the man was already unconscious. He closed the door gently and went inside the only bedroom. He careful laid Renji on the bed and covered him beneath the sheets. He watched Renji's sleeping face.

_Your face isn't peaceful at all. What's causing you so much pain, Renji? Is it me? Renji, I'm sorry._

Byakuya continued to watch the sleeping man for a few more moments. Finally he sighed and stood up.

"Renji…" Byakuya said as he gently caressed Renji's cheek. He leaned over and gave a small kiss on the man's forehead. He stood up and headed for the door.

"Don't…" Renji said. "Don't leave me…"

It almost broke Byakuya's heart just to hear Renji's broken voice.

_Pull yourself together, Byakuya. He's not calling for you._

He continued to walk out, not even looking back.

………

………………….

"Ran, I gotta go check up on my best man. I've been looking for him all day but no one's seen the guy," said Shuuhei.

"Fine, Shuu. Just come back in time for dinner," said Rangiku, giving Shuuhei a kiss on the lips.

"Love you, baby."

Then Shuuhei left and went straight to Renji's apartment.

……..

……………….

A knock came on Renji's door.

"Renji, are you home?" Shuuhei asked. He took the door knob and saw that the door was unlocked. "That's weird."

Shuuhei entered the apartment. He heard groaning and moaning coming from the bedroom.

"Umm.. Renji? Did I catch you at a bad time?"

_What if I catch him doing the nasty with someone? Ugh, talk about awkward._

Suddenly he saw Renji coming out of the room, looking as pale as death.

"Renji! What happened to you?" Shuuhei asked. "You look like shit."

"Shuuhei… I feel so sick... and so dizzy.." the other man said. Renji looked like he was about to throw up, so Shuuhei led him to the bathroom.

"Have you gone to the fourth squad?"

"No.. I just found myself here.. I guess it was Bya..taichou who brought me or something…"

"You're lucky I came to check up on you or else I wouldn't have a best man on my wedding day."

"Ughh, yeah. Than…" Renji said but was cut off as he threw up on the toilet, spilling all of his stomach's contents which wasn't really that much to begin with. Renji felt like he was gonna die. He was so tired and he was so heartbroken. Nothing in his life was going right. The man he loved was getting married and he was being left all alone. At this point, he really did want to die.

"Renji, we have to get you to the fourth division now." Shuuhei told him but he already passed out.

……………

………………..

"Hisagi-fukutaichou, thank you for bringing Abarai-fukutaichou here at once," said Kotetsu-fukutaichou.

"Will he be okay?" Shuuhei asked, worried for his bestfriend.

"Hisagi-san, don't worry. Unohana- taichou will take care of Renji-kun," the woman assured, looking at Shuuhei with sincere eyes.

"Can I stay here? I want to be here when he wakes up."

"That… I don't think he'll wake up tonight. Are you sure you want to?"

"Yea. I can't leave Renji alone."

"Then, please stay as long as you'd like," the woman said finally and left Shuuhei to his thoughts.

_Sorry Ran. Renji needs me right now._

…_.._

…………_.._

Unohana-taichou was alone with Renji in a room. She couldn't understand what was wrong with the man. It seemed like he was just having a stomach flu or something but she couldn't really diagnose the sickness.

She carefully thought of all the symptoms the man was experiencing.

Then suddenly it struck her.

She took off Renji clothes for a full body checkup. She also took Renji's blood sample and sent it to be examined.

_Tomorrow. We will know tomorrow._

_

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_

Hoped you liked it...


	5. Surprise!

Ok… here's another short chapter. I find it really hard to write long chapters. I guess I'm just not as descriptive as others. I'm also not that creative so…

Please enjoy…

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One Lost One Gained

Unohana-taichou looked at the blood test results. She struggled to keep a calm face but somehow a small frown managed to show. She didn't know whether to be happy for the man lying on the bed or feel sympathy for him.

The man on the bed was unconscious; his body was weak and tired. It almost seemed as if he did not want to wake up. He knows that sleep was better than to wake up into this nightmare.

_He doesn't want to wake up_, Unohana-taichou thought to herself.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. The door opened and a panic-stricken Hisagi came through the door.

"Will he be alright?" he asked.

"Yes he will. He just needs some rest right now," replied Unohana-taichou.

Shuuhei came closer to Renji. He gave a weak smile at his best friend. _What happened to you? _

They stayed in silence for a moment longer, but Unohana-taichou decided it was time to break the silence.

"Hisagi-kun, I'm afraid that there's something important that I have to tell you."

"What is it? Is it about him?" Shuuhei asked, his eyes still fixed on the pale skin of the normally tan man.

"Please follow me into my office."

…………….

…………………………..

In his mind he kept replaying the night when he found Renji so vulnerable. He had never seen his vice captain that way before and he never wanted to see it again. He was so used to seeing Renji smile all the time that sometimes he even forgot that the man could also feel other emotions. Emotions like hate, anger, sadness, fear.

_Renji, you have built an armor around you that even I find it hard to penetrate. But, you think that your defenses are perfect and you never notice the chink here and there. Only I have seen it. You act as if nothing is wrong when we both know there is. If only you would open your heart. Let me help you._

But Byakuya already knew what he was asking for, could never be. What he was feeling, was forbidden.

………….

……………………………..

"What? How can this be?" Shuuhei asked, surprise evident in his voice.

"It is rare but it can happen," the older woman replied.

"Really? I've never heard of anything like this before."

"Neither have I. I've heard of other cases of intersexuality but Renji… Renji's a special case."

They stopped talking. Unohana-taichou thought that it was better to let all the information sink in and let Shuuhei be the one to tell Renji about his condition.

_How can this be? I mean, really? How can he be pregnant? This means that he had sex with a man, but Renji's not gay. Or I thought he wasn't. He never even told me he had a lover or anything._

Shuuhei was thinking deeply to himself. The thought of Renji with another man surprised him.

_What if that time was a onetime thing? I mean no one knew that he could have kids. What if the guy never comes to take care of him? What would people think?_

Renji was an important person to him. He cared for Renji but he also cared for Rangiku. If he chose to take care of Renji then his life as he knows it will end.

……….

…………………..

"_No! Please don't leave me. I don't wanna be alone." He said desperately._

_But no matter how loud he shouted, no matter how hard he cried, the man never looked backed. He just continued to walk, never looking back at the broken man he left behind. _

"Nnn…No.." Renji said as he squirmed under the sheets. His face was contorted with pain and loneliness, tears were running down his face.

Shuuhei was beside him and took Renji's hands into his. His other hand was at Renji's cheek, gently caressing and wiping the tears away.

"Renji… Wake up." Shuuhei said gently. _But I don't know if you would want to hear what I have to tell you._

Shuuhei squeezed the hand in his and gently kissed it.

_It feels so comfortable beside you, more than I thought it would be. Seeing you like this makes me never want to leave you. I love Ran but you need me more right now. _

Shuuhei's mind was conflicted. Staying with Renji meant leaving Rangiku. He knew Renji was a strong person but, was he strong enough to handle this alone?

…………

…………………..

Renji started wake up. He sat up and found something holding his hand. He saw the dark hair of the man sleeping beside him.

_Byakuya? _

For a moment he thought it was his captain, but the man's hair was too short. Then he saw the tattoo on the man's left cheek.

"Shuuhei?"

The man awoke at hearing his name. He rubbed his eyes and yawned.

"Hey Renji."

"Wha.. What are you doing here? Why am I.. here?" Renji seemed confused, not remembering what happened the previous day.

"Renji, remember you weren't feeling well?" Shuuhei said jokingly. "Well, are you feeling better?"

"Uhh… I guess so." The other replied. _Does this mean he was with me this whole time? _"Umm, Shuuhei… Did you…Were you…"

"Yeah, I was here."

"You shouldn't have. Rangiku'll get mad at me if she knew."

"She knows. She'll understand." Shuuhei said with a gentle smile.

Renji smiled back. He was happy to know that his best friend still cared for him.

"Renji, there's something I've got to tell you." Shuuhei suddenly took on a more serious tone. Renji was surprised. He knew it's got to be something bad.

"Please, don't freak out at what I'm gonna tell you."

"..Okay…" Renji breathed in deeply, trying to brace himself for the worst.

"…."

"……."

"You're pregnant," said Shuuhei. He decided that it was better to tell Renji the news that way. Fast and easy.

He carefully looked at Renji's eyes. Awaiting what emotions would unfold.

At first his eyes showed disbelief.

"Wha…How can this be? Shuuhei don't joke with me," Renji paused. "Last time I checked I was a man."

"I know it's hard to believe, but you really are pregnant."

"What the---"

"Yeah. I know. Unohana-taichou was surprised too."

"How the hell did this happen?"

"I'll tell you the details later when you're feeling much better. It's hard to understand." Shuuhei said. He was still confused by his friend's condition and there was a lot of things he wanted to know, like '_Who's the father?'_, but he knew that Renji would tell him in time. Right now all he wanted was for Renji to feel better. For him to feel that there was someone who cared for him and was never going to leave him.

Renji smiled but Shuuhei knew that deep inside, there was a swirl of emotions taking over the other man's heart.

_So I'm pregnant. There could only be one father. But he must never know. _

* * *

So that's the end of this chapter…

Really not creative, eh?

Renji's pregnant. Surprise, surprise.

I hoped you guys enjoyed it.


	6. The Heart

Okay, this chapter's kinda vague too…

And jumps from one scene to another…

But I still hope you guys like it…

* * *

One Lost One Gained

_That man must never know. _

…….

…………………..

As Byakuya sat down his chair, the first thing he noticed was a folded piece of paper with his vice captain's name on it.

_And there it is. A resignation letter._

Byakuya read through the letter. He had expected to receive one much sooner than this. In the letter, Renji gave the excuse that he could no longer tolerate Byakuya's harsh behavior towards him and that he was not fit to serve under such a great man. Despite all the well written excuses, Byakuya knew better. He knew it was because of that one night of weakness; the night he surrendered to his lust, when his emotions were stronger than his own judgment

But Byakuya wanted to know why Renji hadn't given it sooner, why he endured about two more months. He knew there must be another reason for this, and he wouldn't let go of it until he got the answers he wanted.

……..

……………

"Shuuhei are you sure about this?"

"Renji, you need me right now more than she does."

"But.. But you were gonna get married in a month. You can't just stop." Renji told Shuuhei.

"Renji, she understands." Shuuhei reassured him.

"But Shuuhei…."

"No Renji. No buts."

"You'll regret this. You don't even love me…" Renji broke eye contact and put his head in his hands.

"Renji, there's something you need to know," Shuuhei said solemnly. "I.. I actually do. I love you."

"What?" Renji said aloud in surprise, lifting his head. "What are you sayi… What do you mean?"

"I love you. I just couldn't tell you."

"Wha—Why?"

"'Cause I didn't think you were gay. I thought you liked women." Shuuhei told him softly.

"What about Ran?" Renji asked.

"I knew I didn't have a chance with you so I decided to forget about you and… She came along."

"I thought you always wanted her."

"That's the thing. I wanted her. I tried to love her though. But when Unohana-taichou told me you were pregnant, I couldn't control myself." Shuuhei paused to take a deep breath. "Renji, you have no idea how badly I wanted to strangle the man who did this to you."

Renji looked at Shuuhei's calm eyes. What he saw there seemed to tell the truth. Renji had always wanted to hear those words come out of Shuuhei's mouth. He had always wanted to hear that he was more important to him than anyone else in the world. But how come he wasn't feeling happy at all? He thought that he would be the happiest man in Soul Society if he heard Shuuhei confess to him, but right now the confession did nothing but to confuse him even more.

Shuuhei was the one who suggested the resignation so Renji could hide himself when his tummy grew bigger. And if anyone did catch Renji in that state, they could say that Shuuhei was the father. That way they could avoid more embarrassment. Shuuhei would become the father of the child and they would become the perfect family.

Shuuhei stood up and sat beside Renji. He embraced Renji tightly and kissed his temple.

"Renji ," Shuuhei called his name sweetly. "I do love you."

Renji closed his eyes and for a moment, he saw Byakuya's image in his mind.

"I… love you too." Renji said, his eyes still closed.

………..

……………………

"Renji, I cannot accept this excuse. Tell me the real reason why you're resigning." Byakuya said in his normally calm voice.

"What other excuse can there be?" Renji replied, emotionless.

Byakuya stood up and took the other man by the elbow.

"Tell me! Is it about that night?" Byakuya asked in a hushed voice. He didn't want anyone to hear of their conversation.

"Yes, Byakuya. It is. I… I can't live with myself for doing that with you." Renji said, trying to keep his voice sound sincere.

"I'm sure you hated it too when the high went down. Your pride would never allow you to do that." Renji paused and in a softer voice said, "Especially someone like me."

Byakuya pretended not to hear the other part. It was true what the man said. If he was in the right mind, he would never have done that.

_What has happened to me? Why do I even want to stop him? I never really cared about this person. I thought that he was nothing but a lowly Rukongai dog. But why do I want him to stay with me?_

"Fine. Leave. There's plenty of people more than qualified to take you place." Byakuya said coldly as he let go of Renji's elbow and returned to his seat.

"Thank you for your understanding, Kuchiki-taichou" Renji said with a bow and turned away to leave.

Byakuya was angry. Angry at himself at how low he had fallen. He was so angry that he couldn't feel Renji's unstable reiatsu. He couldn't hear the soft sobs that Renji was trying to suppress. He could not see the tears that Renji was holding back.

…………….

…………………………..

"I'm so sorry Ran."

"It's okay, Shuuhei." The woman said with an understanding voice. "I always knew you loved him more."

"That's why I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I couldn't return the love that you gave to me. In my heart, he will always be number one. I tried Ran, I really tried." Shuuhei said.

"I know Shuuhei. But I guess it just couldn't work out, even after all this time."

"Yeah. I'm so sorry."

"Stop saying sorry. You're just making me feel worse." Rangiku said with a smile.

"Okay. But, thank you." Shuuhei said sincerely, giving the woman a tight hug and a soft kiss on the forehead.

"I guess I'll be seeing you…"

"Uhh… Yeah."

They both turned to leave.

Break ups were never easy and what Shuuhei hated the most was the awkward silence it left behind.

………….

……………………

_This would be for the best,_ Renji thought to himself as he left the Sixth Division.

_Everything's gonna be fine if I leave. If they knew that this is his child, they would take my baby away from me. They would raise my child the same way that man was raised and my child would never know who I am._

Back in the office while Renji was leaving, Byakuya was engulfed in silence.

_Who needs him? Certainly I don't, _Byakuya was trying to convince himself that letting Renji go was fine.

_There's plenty of people out there who would be content just being my vice captain. Who does he think he is? _

"_He's the one who captured your heart," said a voice from within his mind._

_Heart?_

At hearing the word, Byakuya frowned.

_I thought I lost my heart years ago, buried away with her._

Byakuya was wrong. He didn't lose his heart. It was simply locked away, frozen inside of him. Renji's hot headedness and wildness had managed to slowly melt the ice.

_The heart. What do we even need it for? The heart makes men weak. The whole body will surrender to it despite all of the mind's efforts to stop it. The heart only deceives our mind; making us believe in things that are not true, making us hope for things that would and should never be._

Despite all his efforts, Byakuya knew.

He knew he was falling.

He was falling so deeply that he could never get back up again.

…………..

* * *

So that's the end of this chapter.

(The explanations to the main implications will be put in a later chapter)

Thank you for Reading and Please…

Give me some feedback…

And thank you to all who have reviewed…


	7. You are my Sunshine

So here's chapter 7…

I read it and it wasn't that good, but I think it's ok…

Please Enjoy….

* * *

One Lost One Gained

_I really can't have both, can't I? It's either one or the other. That night I lost Shuuhei but I got Byakuya. Now I have Shuuhei and I lost Byakuya. I really am selfish. _

………..

……………………..

_This really is for the best,_ Renji thought as he saw the house Shuuhei had just bought.

"Well? Do you like it?" Shuuhei asked, his arms wide open and gestured for Renji to come into his embrace.

"Do I like it? Shuuhei, it's beautiful." Renji replied as he hugged Shuuhei.

The house was simple. It was located just outside of the dirty roads of Rukongai and it was beside a river. You could see the sunrise in the East and the sunset in the West. Renji looked at the setting sun and could not help but find it beautiful, but he also could not help looking sad.

" Renji, what's wrong?"

Renji almost had tears in his eyes but fought to hold them back.

"It's just… I don't know if I'm gonna be a good parent. I mean, it's not normal for a man to have a kid and… and…"

"Would you cut that out?" Shuuhei told Renji. "We both know you're gonna be a great parent."

"But I'm not ready for this…"

"Renji, it's okay. You have me remember?" Shuuhei reminded Renji. "Besides you're just having mood swings and anxieties. Unohana-taichou said that was normal. Especially for a first time mother."

With Shuuhei's reassurance, Renji felt much better and he hugged the other man tighter.

"You're right." Renji finally said.

"I am, so just relax. You wouldn't want the baby getting stressed out 'cause of you." Shuuhei chuckled.

"Yea… " Renji agreed. "Just… Shuuhei, I'm still not used to being called a mother. After all, I did spend all my life knowing I was a normal guy."

"Don't worry. Let's spend these following months getting you used to it." Shuuhei said as he gently kissed Renji.

Renji was happy but deep inside he knew that there was something wrong with this picture.

_Shouldn't it be him that's with me and kissing me right now?_

……….

…………………..

"_No! Please don't take my baby away from me," he cried out desperately at the men who took his child._

"_This child is the heir to our clan. We cannot have you raise this child up the way you want. He must be disciplined and brought up properly," said one of the men._

"_Please, don't. I was the one who gave life to him. I was the one who suffered in labour."_

"_But it takes two to make a child, doesn't it? Therefore, I have as much rights to this child as you have. I am the father, am I not? And because I am this child's father I have the right to choose how he will be raised!" _

_Renji was silenced and the men continued to leave. He was left to cry. He knew he was never going to see his child again._

"No!!!" Renji cried out loud, grabbing onto the sheets; his eyes were filled with tears.

"Renji! What's wrong?" Shuuhei asked as he grabbed the half-asleep Renji and hugged him tight.

"No! Don't! Please don't!"

"Renji, wake up!"Shuuhei yelled at Renji .

At this, Renji woke up, clinging tightly to Shuuhei. He was shaking.

"Renji, its ok it's just a dream."

"No Shu… Shuuhei…" Renji said. His eyes were wide open and he stopped crying.

"It was just a dream." Shuuhei said again.

"Shuuhei?" Renji whispered.

"What is it?"

"Promise me you won't let them take my baby away."

Shuuhei wasn't sure who 'they' was and why 'they' wanted to take away Renji's baby, but all he knew was that promising this to Renji would make Renji feel better. And so he did.

"I promise Renji. They won't take our child away." Shuuhei assured the man, stroking his hear and back lightly and lulling the other man back to sleep.

Renji's strange behavior and dreams made Shuuhei more curious.

_Who really is the father of this child?_

Shuuhei really wanted to know who it was but he knew that it was a sensitive topic for Renji. But he knew that the child will come to know him as the father; and that was enough for him.

…….

…………………

On gloomy days and when Shuuhei was away, Renji would look out the window and stare out into the open. His arms were wrapped protectively around his tummy, as if this small gesture would protect the growing being inside of him.

He sat down and started to sing a song he had heard when he was a little child. And now he was singing it to his unborn child.

_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine_

_You make me happy when skies are grey_

_You'll never know dear how much I love you_

_Please don't take my sunshine away._

He kept singing this part of the song; repeating it over and over again as if it was a chant. He sang it till he fell asleep.

When Shuuhei came home, he found Renji sitting near the window fast asleep.

He came closer to the sleeping man, careful not to make any noise, and carried him into the bedroom. He gently put Renji down on the bed and looked at his sleeping face.

_He looks better now._

Shuuhei was happy to have a family. He and Renji are going to be parents.

Shuuhei gently touched Renji's abdomen and smiled to himself. Slowly, he put his head on Renji's tummy and tried to feel anything, anything at all. Nothing really happened, but he did feel warmth. And slowly like that, he fell asleep.

………..

…………………..

When Renji woke up, he felt a weight on his stomach. He gently got up and found Shuuhei sleeping. He gently touched Shuuhei's hair. This gentle movement was enough to wake up Shuuhei.

"Renji…" Shuuhei said as he nuzzled into Renji's stomach.

"What is it?" Renji asked.

"Do you want a boy or a girl?"

Renji thought for a moment. He had never thought about it yet.

"I dunno…"Renji said. "A boy maybe, so we can raise him to become a great shinigami. Or a girl would be nice. I really don't know. What about you?"

"Boy or girl, it doesn't matter. As long as this child completes our family, I will be satisfied." Shuuhei replied.

"Then why'd you ask in the first place?"

"No particular reason." Shuuhei chuckled.

Renji smiled warmly.

"I hope the child looks like you though." Shuuhei added.

"Yeah I do too."

_I really do. If this child looks like me, that man's features will not be seen._ _If my child ends up looking like him, I will always be reminded of that one night. That one night when he decided to love me. _

"But if possible, I want our child to look like you."

"Me?" Shuuhei asked. "Yeah, I know. So this kid'll grow up to be one hot stud."

Renji laughed at what Shuuhei said.

"Right… if our kid really turns out to be a boy." Renji reminded him.

"Yeah. But if it turns out to be a girl I'm sure she'll be pretty."

"I hope so."

"Renji, our child will be beautiful."

"Yeah," Renji smiled. "Of course."

Shuuhei sat up to give Renji a gentle kiss and when he pulled away, he said. "Oh, Unohana-taichou reminded me that you have an appointment with her next week."

"What?" Renji was surprised.

"Don't worry about it."

"Do I have to go there?"

"She said she'll come here."

Renji was relieved. He was afraid to go to the Sereitei because he might see his former captain. And if Byakuya knew he was pregnant, he will know that it's his.

"Oh okay."

"Okay. I'm gonna cook now. Do you want anything in particular?" Shuuhei asked.

"Umm… not really. Anything you cook is great." Renji replied with a smile.

"Flattery'll get you nowhere." Shuuhei joked.

Renji grabbed Shuuhei's sleeve and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Well how about that?"

"That gets you a long way." Shuuhei chuckled. "I love you." And kissed Renji softly.

"I love you too." Renji said when they both pulled back.

…………

…………………………

* * *

Okay this chapter was kinda messy…

Anyways I hope you guys still like it.

Does anyone have suggestions on the baby's name?

Please tell me… I still don't have any idea on that part.

(The song Renji was singing is old. My mom laughed at me when I sang that out loud. I'm not that old. The version I was thinking of was Anne Murray's.)


	8. It's a boy!

Chapter 8

Sorry for the wait….

Please enjoy..

**One Lost One Gained **

Byakuya set off to work earlier than normal. Instead of using flash step, he decided that walking would be a better option on this lovely day. On his way to work he saw Unohana-taichou, alone and walking his way.

"Good morning, Unohana-taichou," he greeted her.

"Good morning to you too, Kuchiki-taichou," she returned.

"If I may ask, where are you going?" Byakuya asked. He found it quite suspicious that the woman in front of him was walking the opposite direction from the Fourth Division office.

"I'm off to see a patient of mine," she replied politely.

_This patient must be special to have her come personally._

"And who might this patient be?" Byakuya asked calmly. He found himself more interested than he wanted to.

"Oh, just an expecting friend," she replied with a smile.

"Oh in that case, please forgive me for interrupting you."

"It is fine."

And they parted ways.

Byakuya continued to walk to his office. In his mind, he was still thinking about the encounter with the Fourth Division captain.

It was definitely unusual for her to attend to a patient outside of the Sereitei. For a moment, he thought if his vice captain was involved. Since the last time he saw him, he was feeling unwell; showing symptoms that of a pregnant woman.

_Well that is quite impossible. Renji is man. I saw it with my own eyes._

And Byakuya blushed at the thought, but quickly regained his composure and continued walking.

……………

………………………..

"Congratulations, Shuuhei and Renji. It seems that your child is very healthy and Renji, you are now twelve weeks pregnant." Unohana-taichou said to the expecting parents.

"Thank you, Unohana-taichou," said Shuuhei while gently caressing Renji's abdomen.

"Thanks for the info but… what happens at twelve weeks? I mean…" Renji said.

"Well, twelve weeks mean that the chances of miscarriage have dropped significantly. It also means that the morning sickness that you feel will lessen," the woman informed.

"Well, that's great to hear," Renji said with a smile. "Umm… I have a question though…"

"Yes, what is it?"

"Ummm…"

"What is it Renji? Don't be shy." Shuuhei encouraged.

"Um… when can we know what gender it is?" Renji asked shyly.

"About that…" Unohana-taichou thought to herself. "I can tell you right now but, it will not be accurate since I will just be reading your child's reiatsu. But if you want a more accurate one, I suggest that you come to my office about next week."

Renji's face lit up at the news.

"It's ok if it's not accurate." Renji smiled softly. "I just want to know… anything, anything about my baby."

"Well, okay." Unohana-taichou said. "Please lie on the bed."

Renji did as the captain asked and laid down on the bed. He kept himself perfectly still.

"Renji, relax." Shuuhei advised at his side. "Breathe."

"Yeah, sorry. I'm just.. so excited." Renji chuckled.

"Yeah, me too," Shuuhei smiled.

"Don't worry about anything Renji. And it's perfectly normal for new parents to be excited about this kind of thing." Unohana-taichou said. "Now breathe in as deeply as you can and breathe out."

Renji followed the captain's orders. Next, Unohana-taichou put her hands on top of Renji's abdomen without touching it. She summoned up some reiatsu and a glowing light could be seen from her hands. She closed her eyes and concentrated carefully. For a moment, they all stayed in silence.

At first, Unohana-taichou could only feel Renji's reiatsu. But as she concentrated more carefully, she felt another reiatsu that had helped create the being inside of the man. After a few more moments of deep concentration she could distinctly feel the other reiatsu. It wasn't Shuuhei's, as she previously thought it would be. But it was familiar.

She opened her eyes slightly, frowning a bit, but this only lasted for a moment. She continued and she felt the two distinct reiatsu entwine, creating a completely new reiatsu.

"Congratulations, it's a boy," she said, giving the expecting parents a kind smile.

Shuuhei sighed with relief and squeezed Renji's hand gently. Renji looked at Shuuhei and smiled a genuine heartwarming smile.

"Thank you, Unohana-taichou," Renji said.

"But remember, it's not accurate," she reminded.

"It's okay." Renji said as rubbed his belly.

"Well, if that's all, I must really be going," said Unohana-taichou.

"Let me help you out," Shuuhei said.

"Thank you Hisagi-fukutaichou, but I would still like to talk to Renji-kun about the baby. A bit of fresh air would be good for him, don't you think?"

"Uhh, sure" replied Shuuhei. "I'll make lunch while you're out."

Unohana-taichou stood up to help Renji get up from the bed.

"See ya in a minute Shuu," Renji said.

Shuuhei stood up and kissed Renji's cheek.

"Yea.."

……

………………

Once outside and a good distance away from Shuuhei's ears, Unohana turned to Renji.

"Renji?"

"Yes?"

"Does he know?"

Renji thought to himself. _Does she know? Well of course she knows. She wouldn't ask if she didn't._

"What do you mean?" Renji asked, carefully.

"I mean does Shuuhei know that he's not the father?"

"Yes, he does." Renji replied softly. He was waiting for the other question he knew would pop up.

"Then, does _he_ know?" Unohana-taichou asked.

Renji stayed silent for a moment.

"No. I don't want him to know," Renji said.

"But he has the right to know,"

"I know, but… Please, Unohana-taichou, don't tell him," Renji begged.

"Why? I'm sure he'll make a good father for your child."

"Then are you saying Shuuhei wouldn't be a good father?"

"It's not that. It's just that Byakuya should know."

Renji flinched at hearing the name and Unohana-taichou saw this. She also saw fear flash in his eyes. Renji tried to calm himself down.

"Don't worry Unohana-taichou. In time I will tell him, but now is not the time. So please, don't tell him."

Unohana-taichou knew it was better for Byakuya to know now but if Renji wanted to hide this, it was his choice not hers.

"Very well, I will keep this from him. But I still think this is a bad idea." Unohana-taichou smiled gently. "But I will warn you, Byakuya is a smart man. He'll figure it out one way or another."

"Yes, I know." Renji said, smiling down on his belly while rubbing it.

…………..

……………………….

Renji lay down on the bed to relieve his tired body. Shuuhei entered the room shortly after washing the dishes and he sat down beside the pregnant man.

"Renji, what name do you want to call him?" Shuuhei asked casually, trying to hide his excitement. "Do you have any in mind?"

"Yeah." Renji replied smiling.

"Well? What is it?"

"That's a secret."

"Why? Come on tell me,"

"Well, I don't want to yet. Why don't you tell me what you have in mind?" Renji suggested, seeing how Shuuhei couldn't contain his excitement.

"Ummm… I thought Takeshi would be a good name." Shuuhei said. "I would raise our child to be a great shinigami."

"That's a good name. Strong and masculine," Renji said. _But I'm sure this child will grow up to be a great shinigami with or without our help. After all, he is part of him. _"But I was thinking of something more radiant."

"Well, what about Taiki?" Shuuhei suggested.

"That could work too but I really like the name I already have for him." Renji said.

"What is it then?"

"I already told you it's a secret," Renji teased.

"Fine then," Shuuhei said, finally giving up.

"You'll be the second person to hear his name, I swear."

"Why the second?"

"Silly Shuuhei. Of course, my baby's the first to hear it."

"Ohh right." Shuuhei laughed and kissed Renji.

They stayed in comfortable silence till they finally took their afternoon nap.

_Two figures were standing in a distance. One had red fiery hair; the other had long-flowing raven black hair. The one with red hair was holding a baby. Both were looking down on the baby and in unison called the child,_

"_Haruki"_

…………….

………………………….

Yeah so that's chapter 8 right?

The last part was Renji's dream for those who don't know where that came from…

Please forgive the lack of detail…

Byakuya'll probably know about the pregnancy in the next chapter or so… depending on how long I make the next one…

And thank you for the name suggestions… I really appreciate it.

The next chapter might be out on Monday. I hope.

Thank you for reading. Please review if you have time.


	9. Love is not rational

Here's Chapter 9…

Sorry for the late update. I planned to finish this chapter a week ago but stuff happens, right?

It's also longer than the other chapters, so i hope that compensates for the lateness..

So very sorry for the delay…

Please Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Bleach will never be mine.

* * *

One Lost One Gained

"Renji, you're not going to the fourth division?" Shuuhei asked. "It's already been a week."

"I don't think I need to. I trust Unohana-taichou. I'm certain my child will be a boy," Renji said. "And my tummy's getting bigger; I'm scared that someone might notice that I'm pregnant, or worse, getting fat."

"That's not true. You still look hot," Shuuhei said with a hearty laugh.

"Thanks, Shuu"

Renji tried to make excuses why he shouldn't go to the fourth division and get an ultrasound. He said he felt sick, he was tired but he knew that the only reason he didn't want to go was because of the chance of seeing his former captain. He didn't want to see Byakuya, because he knew Byakuya could tell that the child he was carrying wasn't Shuuhei's but his own flesh and blood.

So for the entirety of his pregnancy, Renji never left far from the house. The only human contact he had was with Shuuhei, except for the monthly check-ups with Unohana-taichou. Slowly but surely he knew he was getting over that one night with Byakuya. But he also knew that the being inside him will always be a constant reminder of that one night of weakness.

At sixteen weeks, Renji's abs has already disappeared only to be replaced by a small baby bump. He wore loose clothing that made him more comfortable and was able to make the bump slightly less obvious.

Shuuhei was particularly excited about the baby's development. He was disappointed though when Unohana-taichou informed him that it would take a few more weeks for him to be able to feel any of the baby's movement.

Renji was grateful that the morning sickness seemed to disappear despite the replacement of it by cold-like symptoms.

At Unohana-taichou's next visit, this was twenty weeks in for Renji, she congratulated him for reaching the midpoint of his pregnancy without any serious problems at all. Renji was delighted to hear it but he couldn't help complain about leg cramps and swollen feet.

"Don't worry Renji. That's perfectly normal. Your body's just not used to having an extra load," Unohana-taichou explained. "You're even lucky because you have Hisagi-fukutaichou to do all the house work for you."

"Yeah that's true. You should be thankful you have a loving husband like me," Shuuhei joked.

"I know that I'm so lucky and I'm really thankful Shuu," Renji said softly. _But I can't help imagine what kind of father he would be. Would he be sweet and loving like Shuuhei? Or would he still be his cold, stoic self? I want to know. But I know, that's asking for too much._

………………

………………………..

Byakuya was finding it peculiar for Unohana-taichou to always go visit a patient so diligently and so secretly. He found that no one knew about this patient of hers. He also found himself more interested in this matter than he wanted to be.

Somehow, he always saw Unohana-taichou on her way to visit this patient. For some reason, he felt that Renji was somehow related to this matter_. _After all, he has never seen Renji since he resigned and he was feeling sick for unknown reasons.

Byakuya was never a person to meddle in other people's business but he had a feeling he had to this time.

So the next time he saw Unohana-taichou going to the unknown patient's direction, he decided to follow her.

He concealed his reiatsu and kept a safe distance away from the fourth division captain. He had followed her to the busy streets of Rukongai but somewhere along the way the woman he was following suddenly disappeared.

_She must have felt that someone was following her. Maybe next time I might need some sort of disguise, _Byakuya thought to himself.

He knew he had time to prepare.

………

………………..

Unohana-taichou knew she was being followed. She had a guess as to who it was but she wasn't a hundred percent sure. Inside her, there were conflicting emotions; the want to let the father know and the want to keep the secret for Renji's sake.

She knocked on the door.

"Yes? Who is it?" said a voice from the other side of the door.

"It's Unohana-taicho," she replied. "It's time for your monthly check-up."

"Oh," the door opened to show a very pregnant Renji. "Sorry I forgot about it. Time really flies when you're having fun, doesn't it?"

"Are you that excited, Renji-kun?" Unohana-taichou asked smiling gently and entering the house.

"Yeah, I can't wait to have the little squirt come out," he said smiling down at his tummy and rubbing it lovingly.

"Yes, babies truly are bundles of joy," she said and looked around. "Where is Hisagi-fukutaichou?"

"Oh, he went to work. I think we both forgot about the check-up today. Things at his division have been really busy these days." Renji replied.

"How unfortunate."

"But it's ok. I don't want Shuuhei to fall behind because of me."

"Don't blame yourself for every little thing Renji. Shuuhei just cares about you very much. It's his job as a father. And you, you should be taking care of yourself. Babies can feel what you feel, you know."

"I guess so. But I've been happy these past few days. I can feel him move around a bit. Shuuhei can't feel it though, so he's kinda sad. I think he's more excited about his baby than me." Renji said with a small chuckle.

"You're already twenty four weeks in and Shuuhei still can't feel the baby kicking?" Unohana-taichou asked. "Well, maybe Shuuhei just comes at a bad time."

Unohana-taichou approached Renji and touched his belly, checking the baby's reiatsu. She had her hands on Renji's belly when the baby suddenly started to hiccup.

Renji laughed and Unohana-taichou gave a surprised look. It was her first time to touch a hiccupping baby inside the womb. It wasn't common to find pregnant people to tend to in the Sereitei. Normally, only nobles give birth and they had their own medical attendants.

"I wish he was here to feel this," Renji whispered.

Unohana-taichou was unsure whether Renji was talking about Shuuhei or Byakuya, but the smile with a hint of sadness she saw was enough to tell her everything the pregnant man was feeling.

"Well, I guess I must be off. The baby is doing fine and you're in good health as well," Unohana-taichou said standing up.

"Thank you, Unohana-taichou. I appreciate you going out of your way to check-up on me and my baby. I also thank you for keeping this a secret."Renji smiled at her.

"You're welcome Renji-kun. Just take care of yourself," Unohana-taichou said before leaving.

Renji sat down after closing the door. He had started to drift in to a deep sleep, rubbing his tummy with a content smile on his face.

…………….

………………………….

Byakuya had at least a month to prepare. Today was finally the day.

He thought of a thousand reasons why he shouldn't do it but all those reasons were overshadowed by the possibility of seeing Renji again.

It won't hurt to check….right?

Today, he made sure not to see Unohana-taichou. He waited along the streets of Rukongai where she had passed before. He wore a brown, tattered cloak that helped conceal his reiatsu. He removed his kenseikan and his scarf to further conceal his identity.

He waited. Not too long after, he saw Unohana-taichou's figure walking on the streets. He followed her, keeping a fair distance away.

He followed her until he saw the clearing ahead. There was a river and a small house hidden by the trees. A cool and gentle breeze blew, welcoming him.

"Renji-kun," Unohana-taichou said as she knocked on the door.

At hearing the name, Byakuya was almost certain that his heart skipped a beat.

He saw the door open. It wasn't Renji who opened the door but Shuuhei. The vice-captain let the fourth division captain inside the house. Byakuya found his blood boiling. Something was making his heart beat faster. He didn't know if it was of excitement, of anger, of jealousy, or of everything combined.

He decided to come closer to the little house, to hear their conversation a little bit better. Through the little window, he could see Unohana-taichou, Shuuhei, Renji……… and Renji's enormous stomach.

_Did he get some kind of terminal disease? It's my first time seeing... Something like that,_ Byakuya thought to himself.

In a minute, he saw Renji rubbing his stomach lovingly with the warmest smile he'd ever seen. It wasn't the goofy grin he always had nor the arrogant smirk he always showed Byakuya. It was more mature. A smile only a mother gave to her child.

_Ren… Renji's pregnant?_

Byakuya listened to the conversation inside. Somewhere along the conversation, Byakuya found out that Renji was about twenty eight weeks pregnant.

Byakuya looked through the window again. What he saw made his rational mind fly out the window. It made something inside him crack.

Shuuhei was touching Renji' stomach so softly, as if waiting for something. Then suddenly, Shuuhei and Renji smiled at each other. Shuuhei then kissed Renji's lips and went back to his stomach and was talking to the baby inside.

"Hey little guy, what a strong kick you have. Mommy and daddy can't wait to see you already." Shuuhei said."

For Byakuya, that was the last straw. Hearing that Renji was pregnant was already a shock to him. Hearing that Shuuhei was the father was just too much and he decided to leave before anyone found out he was ever there.

Byakuya flash stepped to his mansion. So many things were in his mind, so many questions that he needed answers to.

……….

…………………..

A week since the incident, Byakuya finally calmed down. He was finally thinking right again.

In his mind, he replayed what happened that day over and over again.

_Twenty eight weeks. That's about six months. Four months since he's resigned. Two months before his resignation, we had sex. Shuuhei can't be the father. Renji was crying over him the night we met. _

Then it hit him. But he had to make sure.

Byakuya went to the only other person who might have known who the father is.

……..

………………

"Unohana-taichou," Byakuya called out, knocking on the door of the fourth division captain's office.

"Come in," Unohana-taichou said, calmly.

Byakuya opened the door and closed it gently. Unohana-taichou gestured for him sit down opposite of her.

"How may I assist you today, Kuchiki-taichou?" she asked calmly, almost too calmly.

Byakuya thought to himself. He had so many questions in his head; he didn't know where to begin.

"Unohana-taichou, it's about my former vice-captain," Byakuya started. He was looking at the other captain's face, searching for any reaction. And to his delight, he did find one. Unohana-taichou's eyes widened a bit and she gave him the calmest smile she could muster.

"Yes, what about him?" she asked.

"Unohana-taichou, please let's stop with this nonsense and get straight to the point." Byakuya said. "I already know about Renji. I already know he's pregnant. All I want to know is, is the child mine?"

"What does your heart tell you, Byakuya?" she replied with a question. "Do you feel that the child is yours?"

Byakuya fell silent and thought to himself.

"Logic tells me it must be mine. My heart tells me to love the child inside him with all my being. Reality tells me that, this should not be," Byakuya said, looking out the window.

"You've answered your own question," Unohana-taichou said in a motherly manner. "But Byakuya, what else does reality tell you?"

"It tells me that I should take responsibility for my actions. It also tells me that I've broken another rule. I promised to my parents that I would always abide by the rules but,"

"But what?"

"But, this is one rule that I am willing to break." Byakuya told her, his voice was firm. "No matter what happens, I want to protect his child, my child. I want to protect him."

"I always knew you would be a great father, but Renji-kun does not seem to think the same way," she informed him.

"What? Why?" Byakuya asked as if she said the most outrageous thing that he ever heard.

"I'm not too sure about the reason but I think he's afraid."

"Afraid of what? What would he be afraid of? I'm not going to do any harm to him or his… our child. It's not like I'm going to take the child away from him!" Byakuya said, his voice almost bordering anger. _Why would Renji even think that way? Is that really all the trust he has in me?_

"Maybe that's it. Byakuya, have you ever considered what your clan would do if they knew that Renji is carrying your child, the sole heir of the Kuchiki clan?"

"They would never!" Byakuya said, after thinking to himself. "I would kill them if they even tried."

"But the truth is, they will try. And you know that Renji is not of noble birth."

"Then I'll marry him. I don't care what they say! If that is the only way to protect him, then I'll do it," Byakuya cried out loud. Hearing those words come out from his mouth, Byakuya couldn't believe what he just said. _Marry him? Did I just say I'll marry him?_

"Byakuya, you'll be breaking every rule we have."

Byakuya tried to calm himself down.

"What would those rules mean to me if my heart is broken? I've followed those rules almost all my life; can't I do something for myself for once? "

"Byakuya, you have to think about this more rationally."

"Whoever said that love is rational?"

And for the first time in his life, Byakuya finally understood what loving someone truly meant.

………..

…………………….

Byakuya was happy to know that the child was his and not Shuuhei's but he could still feel a pang of jealousy every time he remembered the way Shuuhei touched Renji's stomach and the way they kissed.

_It should be me. I should be holding him, comforting, spoiling him. Maybe I should pay him a visit?_

And he did.

A few days after knowing that the child was his, he decided to see Renji and talk to him. He knew it wouldn't be easy but it was something he needed to do, he wanted to do.

Byakuya made sure that Shuuhei wasn't home when he paid a visit.

It was a hot afternoon but the cool breeze made it more pleasant. Byakuya followed the path to Renji's house.

He walked slowly to the door, already rehearsing the lines he would say to Renji in his head. He lifted his hand to knock on the door then lowered it again. He was nervous, but he didn't realize it. He lifted his hand again and even before his hand touched the wooden door, it was opened.

There stood a very surprised Renji.

"Bya--- Byakuya,"

"Ren-" Byakuya started but Renji stopped him by trying to slam the door in his face. He acted quickly and stopped the door by pushing it with his hand.

"Renji, talk to me," Byakuya said.

"There's nothing to talk about!"

"There is, and you know it,"

Renji was still struggling to close the door and Byakuya was still fighting back.

"I don't want to talk to you!" Renji shouted. "You're not the boss of me anymore!"

"That may be true," Byakuya said, "But now I'm the father of that child you're carrying!"

Renji stopped struggling and fell silent. Byakuya slowly opened the door.

"You…" Renji said with his head hung low, "You already know?"

"Yes, Renji, I do." Byakuya said as he slowly lifted Renji eyes to meet his.

* * *

**A/N:** The events in this chapter were kinda rushed so I'm sorry for that but I just didn't to delay the news to Byakuya any longer…

Renji is now about thirty weeks pregnant.

The next chapter… I plan to be the saddest one I've ever written.

At least I think it would be. I cried just thinking about what I'm going to do to them.

Just giving you guys a heads up.

Well, thank you for spending the time to read this and please review if you have time.


	10. Words of Love, Hurt, and Comfort

First of all I would like to thank SpunkyOne for giving her thoughts about this chapter and proof reading it for me. I didn't change much from the draft but I've decided to do something about the later chapters. Thank you for giving your valuable input that helped balance out my thoughts and ideas. I am truly grateful.

Sorry for the delay…

Please enjoy reading..

* * *

_He knows. My most guarded secret. _

Renji stopped struggling against Byakuya's firm grip.

"You…" Renji said with his head hung low. "You already know?"

"Yes, Renji, I do." Byakuya said as he slowly lifted Renji's eyes to meet his.

Hearing those words, Renji felt his world crumble. The secret he was trying so hard to keep was already known to the person he was keeping it from. He felt weak in the knees, and the only thing holding him up was Byakuya's grip.

_It's over, _he thought.

He was at a loss for words. Looking at those slate gray eyes, he felt a chill pass through him. He could not hide his fear and his eyes told him everything Byakuya wanted to know.

"No! NO! NO!" Renji shouted as he looked away, "This can't be happening!" he said more to himself than to Byakuya.

He shook his head violently as he tried to get away from his former captain.

"Renji! Calm down! Listen to me!" Byakuya told Renji in a firm voice as he shook the other man's shoulders.

"No! Are you gonna take him away from me?" Renji said, "I won't let you. Never!"

"Renji, I assure you, I will never take him away from you. We're going to be a family, after all." Byakuya said in his softest voice as he held Renji close to his chest.

Renji stopped resisting at hearing the word 'family.' It was what he always wanted since he was a child, something he always longed for; a place he could call home, a place where he felt safe.

"Give me a chance, Renji." Byakuya said softly in his ear.

Renji fell silent, just clinging to Byakuya for support.

_Can I really trust this man? _

After a long silence Renji finally replied, "No. I can't."

Renji paused and Byakuya waited patiently for his explanation.

Renji pulled away from Byakuya's embrace.

"I can't because Shuuhei's the father now. He promised to take care of my child and me."

"I can take care of both you equally, if not more."

"Byakuya, you don't get it."

"Then explain it to me. What do you think I don't understand?"

"Are you here just for the child, or are you here because you love me? Or maybe you just feel responsible for all of this?"

"That is beside the point."

"See? You can't even answer why you're here!"

Byakuya fell silent.

_What do you want me to say? Do you really intend to bring me down so low?_

"Byakuya, please leave."

"I can't. This child is a part of me, Renji. I cannot ignore that, and neither can you," Byakuya said, "Does Shuuhei even know who I am to this child?"

"No…Not yet. I was planning to tell him after."

"Are you afraid he'll leave you if he knows?"

"I'm not afraid!" Renji said defensively, his voice betraying his fears, "And he won't leave me."

"How do you know?"

"I just know! He's not like you."

"What do you mean?" Byakuya asked, his voice barely containing his anger. _What does he mean 'He's not like you?'_

"I never chose to bear you a son. Heck, I never even knew I could. But of everyone in Sereitei, why did it have to be you? If this was Shuuhei's child…"

"Renji…"

"Why the hell did I have to bear the most cold hearted man in Sereitei his child, when he could have anyone else?"

"Renji, it's not like I don't have a heart."

"Oh yeah? Prove it. You certainly didn't have the heart to think about my feelings when you took me to your bed."

"That…That was not my fault."

"Not your fault? I know it was half my fault to show you that side of me, but it's your fault for choosing to hold me even though you did not love me! It's your fault," Renji said, his voice breaking. "It's your own damned fault this happened to me."

"Renji, that night I did love you. I gave you more love than I thought I could possibly express. Do you think you're the only one suffering?" Byakuya said, his voice losing it's usual calmness.

"… At least I'm suffering more than you…"

"Renji, these past months I have realized that I have gone too long without love, without companionship. You made me realize that," Byakuya said in a softer voice as he slowly approached Renji.

_Is this his way of saying he needs me? He loves me?_

"What of it? What now? Do you expect me to leave Shuuhei after all that has happened? Have you even considered my feelings? You do know that I love Shuuhei more than anyone."

_I know that fact far too well, _Byakuya said to himself. _That night I held you, you made me realize what a big fool I was. I promised myself you would pay for that._

"Love the body and the heart will follow," Byakuya said, "I loved you and held you without knowing it myself. I had hoped that my love would reach your heart."

Byakuya had actually intended to hurt Renji with what he said but he found that his own words made him realize what he truly wanted for once.

"No, Byakuya. It did not. It never will. You never revealed your heart to me. How do you expect me to feel it?"

Byakuya knew that Renji was right.

_He's not used to this kind of loving. Renji wants a different type of love. He wants someone who can love him without fear. He wants someone who expresses his love to him. In his eyes, I have shown him neither love nor kindness._

For the first time in his life, Byakuya was at a disadvantage.

All of his training, all of his self control was making him lose the one person he loved.

Byakuya suddenly took hold of Renji and locked him in his embrace.

"Here. Do you feel it?" Byakuya whispered to Renji's ear, "Can you feel my heart beating?"

Renji fell silent again.

He could feel Byakuya's heart beating with his. He could feel Byakuya's warmth enveloping him. He could feel Byakuya's scent drown him.

They stayed in silence for a long time. Just feeling each other's warmth and heartbeat.

"I will wait for your heart."

"No, Byakuya. You don't get it. I can't love you," Renji said his voice barely a whisper.

"Renj—"

"Byakuya, do you know how much I wanted you to stop me that day, when I gave in my resignation letter?" Renji said, his voice breaking again, "Do you know how much I wanted you to chase me and say that you loved me? Do you know how I felt when you said that I could be replaced? Do you know how bad I felt?"

"Renji, that doesn't matter now."

"Yes, it does! At least to me it does."

A tear fell from Renji's eye.

"I felt like trash, Byakuya. I felt like I was no one special, that I could be replaced so easily by anyone. I felt that no one cared about my existence at all."

Byakuya kept silent, holding Renji in a tight embrace and letting the man in his arms throw at him the weight of his actions.

"And in the darkest time in my life, it wasn't you who saved me. It wasn't you who held me tight and told me that everything would work out fine. It wasn't you, Byakuya. It was Shuuhei," Renji said softly, as he nuzzled further into Byakuya's shoulder, "Byakuya, this is why I can't love you. Why I shouldn't love you."

"Renji, if you truly don't love me, why do you let this child live? Why keep a part of me with you?"

"…"

"If you want to forget about me and that night, why do you let my child grow inside you? Letting it live like a parasite, stealing away your energy."

"It's because it's my child!" Renji shouted with tears in his eyes, "Regardless of who the father is, I will love this child because he is a part of me. He completes me."

Suddenly Renji felt a pang of pain in his lower abdomen.

"Ugghh…" he moaned and put his hand on his stomach.

"Renji! Renji, are you okay?" Byakuya asked, his voice was genuinely worried and lost all of its calmness

"Bya…Byakuya…It hurts…"

Byakuya suddenly understood what Renji was going through. But wasn't he just about 7 months?

"Renji, calm down. Try to breathe evenly. I'll get Unohana-taichou for you," Byakuya said as he carried Renji and laid him down on the bed.

"No! Don't leave… me… alone…" Renji said as he winced from the pain.

"Someone has to get Unohana-taichou, Renji."

"Then just take me to her!" Renji shouted as the pain he was feeling increased.

Byakuya didn't have time to think. All he wanted to do was to release Renji from the pain he was feeling. So he carried Renji and flash stepped toward the Fourth Division.

Byakuya had never felt so worried in his life before. He was so worried that he did not even care that he had lost all of his composure.

Renji was clinging to Byakuya like his life depended on it. He was feeling so much pain, more physical pain than he ever thought possible. The only comfort he had was the warmth of Byakuya's body.

Byakuya went directly inside Unohana-taichou's office, where he found the very calm captain and a bed.

"Byakuya, you can lay him down here," Unohana-taichou said.

Byakuya did as he was ordered and gently laid Renji on the bed. Unohana-taichou immediately prepared for what was coming.

"Byakuya, may I ask you to go outside now?" she asked politely of Byakuya, who still held Renji's hand so tightly.

Byakuya was starting to reluctantly let go but Renji held on to his hand tighter.

"Don't leave me," he begged.

"Renji, you're going to go through a caesarean section. Byakuya needs to go outside," She explained.

"If he's not here with me I won't survive," Renji said with tears.

Byakuya did not know if these tears were of the pain Renji was feeling or if it was for want of keeping him there.

Isane-fukutaichou had already injected Renji with anesthetics. The pregnant man was already feeling dizzy. His tight grip on Byakuya was already weakening.

As Renji finally lost consciousness and his hand lost its grip Byakuya was again asked by Unohana-taichou to leave. Byakuya did not struggle. He found his feet willing to comply despite his heart telling him not to leave.

He waited patiently outside Unohana-taichou's office. He was nervous and excited at the same, though his face tried hard not to express it, but anyone looking really hard could see it was there.

_Is this what all fathers go through? This mixed emotion of happiness and fear?_

"Uwahhh!"

Byakuya heard a slap then a loud cry. As he realized that this was his child's cry, all fear disappeared from his heart and a small smile made its way to his face.

A few minutes later, Unohana-taichou made her way outside to meet Byakuya. What Byakuya saw on her face was not an expression of happiness but one of complete despair. Byakuya was confused. He did hear his child cry, right?

"Byakuya, we need to discuss some matters," she said in a low voice and led him to what appeared to be a vacant hospital room.

"Unohana-taichou, what is this about?" Byakuya asked, trying to keep his voice calm and steady.

"It is about Renji and your child." She replied.

"Yes, I figured that much but what of them? I heard my child cry, did he not?" he asked.

"Byakuya, it's more complicated than that," she paused, "You do know that that the normal gestation period for pregnant females is 40 weeks, right?"

"Yes, I have heard."

"Renji is only at about 30 weeks today."

Byakuya did not respond. He knew what this could mean. The cry of his child could be the death of Renji.

"Is he well?" Byakuya asked.

"He is fine. He just needs rest. The strain of giving birth was too much for him."

"Then what are we discussing?" Byakuya asked, surprising at himself for the momentary loss of control.

"Renji," she said softly, "He was pregnant with twins."

Byakuya paused to process the information he was given.

"Was?"

"Yes, he was."

"You mean…"

"I'm so sorry, Byakuya. I did everything I could," the normally calm captain said, but now tears threatened to fall from her eyes.

"Why? Tell me why! Was it my fault?"

"It's not completely your fault. There were a number of factors that led to this. First of all, Renji is a man, despite his female parts. This was already a high-risk pregnancy without considering multiple births. Secondly, we were unaware of that Renji was pregnant with twins."

"How could that be?"

"He never underwent an ultrasound. All I could do to check the health of the baby was to feel his reiatsu. And since they were twins, their reiatsu was identical."

"I see."

"Lastly, emotional stress. You confronted him today didn't you?"

"I had to. He was carrying my child. I cannot ignore that fact."

"Byakuya, I understand your need to converse with him about that fact but I wish that you were more…"

"I tried to be. But, it was him. He kept refusing me."

"I am not blaming you for anything Byakuya. I understand that you love Renji, but this is someone's life and heart we are talking about. I am not taking sides but you should have been more considerate, knowing his condition."

"If I was considerate all the time, I would lose everything that is important to me," Byakuya said, his voice bordering rage and tears. "Right now, he is all I want; all I need."

Both Byakuya and Unohana-taichou were unaware of the other man standing just a few feet away.

"So it was you," the man said, pointing at Byakuya, "It was you who did this to him!"

The man ran towards Byakuya and grabbed him.

"Hisagi-fukutaichou, calm down!" Unohana-taichou said in an alarmed voice.

"How can I calm down when this…this person did such an unforgivable thing to Renji? And you dare call yourself a noble," Shuuhei shouted in Byakuya's face as he shook the other man by the collar, "I promised myself that I would kill the damn bastard who did that to him."

"And be responsible for causing my child to be orphaned?" Byakuya said.

"How dare you even call him your son? You have no right!"

Byakuya fell silent as he realized that what Shuuhei said was the truth. He also remembered what Renji had said to him; Shuuhei is the child's father now.

"I will never forgive you! Don't even think of coming close to Renji or _my_ child!" said the normally calm fukutaichou as he released Byakuya's collar with a push.

He stormed out of the room and headed to look for Renji.

…

…..

_I guess I brought this upon myself. If only I had told you my true feelings. If I had only discovered what I felt for you on time. If only I could have thrown away my stupid pride and told that I love you._

Byakuya was looking at his child in the incubator; it's glass the only thing preventing him from touching the small being that was made from his seed.

_My child, do not grow up to be a coward like me. Do not let what is important to you pass by. Fight for what you truly love and love it truly._

Moments that felt like hours passed and Byakuya made his way to Renji's room.

He saw the red headed man lying on the bed with a tired expression on his face. Byakuya drew closer.

_I have caused you so much pain. _

Byakuya stood beside Renji's bed, observing the tired man. He then took one of Renji's hands in his and his other hand gently caressed Renji's face. He took note of Renji's slow steady breaths and the warmth of the skin beneath his hands.

"I'm sorry, Renji, but I can't leave you alone," Byakuya said after planting a soft kiss on Renji's forehead. He then left the room before anyone saw him.

Despite what Shuuhei had warned him and what Renji had told him, Byakuya was not backing down this time. He intended to take what was rightfully his, both his child and Renji's heart. He told himself he wouldn't care what other people would think. Perhaps this was his way of showing his love. It might not be the most expressive way, but who knows? It might just work.

* * *

I was kinda being lazy that's why it took me so long to post this chapter…

Please forgive me.

Thank you for reading this chapter and please, if you can, give me some feed back.


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